Writings of the day.....

Well yesterday I couldn't figure out why my phone hadn't rung until I went to make a call and found out it was disconnected so that answers that. That wouldn't have annoyed me so much if I had had some kind of warning. So I sent out an email to the one person I needed to tell and then figured out it must be because I put in an order to change phone companies. Ya know some days it just doesn't pay to crawl outta bed. lol
Then last night at work I called my kids to let them know I would call them as soon as new phone is on but I don't think I sceduled that to be turned on til like 7th of May. Anyway then I called my best friend and a woman answered his phone and I was very thrown by that. When I asked for him she said he had went to a friends so I said thanks and hung up. No I didn't call him back later I just went back to work. I think I dailed number right but who knows. But after that I worked so hard that I got done early.
Today I have to go to second job first the first job second. Then when I get off tonight at 11:30 I have to be back to work at 7am. This should be fun! I never tried working and sleeping at same time. lol
Well I guess thats about it for now yall have a good day!!

Just Friends?

Ok yall I have a friend who we often discuss why the definition of friendship gets lost somewhere in translation. By this I mean people start out saying they wanta be friends then end up hitting on the person. Now in this it always makes the person thinking just friend and being hit on a bit uncomfortable. Ok so maybe more than a bit. Well tonight I was looking up just friends on a search engine just outta curiosity cause I do it on blog search alot. And I want ya all to know what I found was an article asking can a man and woman be just friends. Well I wanta share part of that article....

Marnie Hanel of Tango magazine says, “Sure, men and women can be friends — as long as the dynamic falls into one of four categories: 1) the friends explore their, ahem, benefits — and realize that they like each other better with their clothes on; 2) one of the parties is gay; 3) there are significant others involved and romantic — and sexual — needs are taken care of at home; 4) you’re just not that into each other — in that way.”
Jordan Burchette of Maxim.com agrees, “as long as they’re from your kindergarten class, an ex, or are gay. It also helps if they’re ‘majorly unattracted’ to each other.

Although I think friendship between sexes is possible I think that number 4 is a realistic part of that. Because wanting more and having more are two different things. If your intent is to be more than friends then it would be better to state so up front then to blow someone away with a bombshell they aren't expecting. I have realized from reading these blogs and articles tonight so many think they can make someone love them. But think of this if you change them or force them to love you are they still gonna be the person you fell in love with.

I will end this with one more thing I never thought of that the article I found said. Women forgive, not forget; men forget, not forgive Now if that doesn't show differences nothing will. lol

Of course you want to do what is right, but circumstances have prevented you from taking any direct action. Your feelings continue to grow, but you probably haven't said anything yet because you don't want to upset the status quo. Go ahead and share your dreams, but do it in a caring way that allows you to get away with saying more and offending less.
Sunday, April 22, 2007

I love my horoscope today its so true!!

A thought or two.......

Yippieee its a beautiful day so I am cleaning stuff in the house with the music playing the tv is off and the windows are oen. Yea so ok lets hope the music is something that the neighbors won't mind to much. lol
I thought about doing a week in review section here but then I would just get pissed cause of some the things that happened at work arly in the week. But then again by the end of the week it got better. Now next week I work here there and yonder pretty much. I laughingly told my boss I had to write it al down or i'd be at wrong place at right time. Sadly I was laughing because its true.
Ok so its Earth day. I really like this day for one reason. I love the trees and nature and going for walks. Its so peaceful to be out in nature and well I hope that my grandkids and future generations have this to look forward too without having to find a national park to see what nature is supposed to be. So lets do whatever it takes to save our planet afterall what did it do to us to cause us to want to destroy it.
Ok yall in my cleaning ya may want to mak on calendar that I cleaned out my car this weekend!! Omg it amazes me how much stuff my daughter could shove under one seat!! I was so totally unaware!
Ok so I don't get to blog much anymore but since there is only 30 days left here of school that should pick up again sometime soon. Granted that 30 days not include weekends that is the actual number kids have left to go to school.
Well I am missing getting to see and talk to people I like to be around but yesterday for the first time in months I went around and visited a few of them. It was fun as my dughter and I walked to visit a few families we haven't seen in a while. I guess if I had got to see one more person this weekend then it would have all been great

Weekend

Well the weekend is here and I should be relaxing as I have a busy week working next week with it being so near the end of school. But instead since my house looks like a tornado hit it I guess I will be spending most of this weekend cleaning. Oh myGod thats so much like every other day of work. Oh well at least in the end there is a sense of accomplishment. Well I guess since no one is on I wanta talk with I will get off of here and get busy!
Write more later,.. Have a great day!

GRRRRRRRRR continued lol

Can you believe it he did it again. That moron I work with or rather don't work with but we work in the same building is at it again. Upon getting to work yesterday I learned he had placed sevreal complaints about my job prefprmance. Well the problem there was none of the teachers I work for had complained about anything and he gave three different versions of the same story. This man is like a preverable thorn in my side. He had the foresight to leave me a note about what he felt I had not done. After a 11 hour shift I was very tired and annoyed plus the longer I thought about it the madder I got so I did the only reasonable thing. I left him a note in reply. It was the only thing I could think to do.
Welll I am getting off here cause I got things to do!

GRRRRRRRRRR

Well I haven't written in days but I have been busy and today I am just NOT a happy camper. I had a great weekend for the most part and then came the work week and Monday wasn't to great and yesterday just plain sucked! I got wrote up at work for something I had no control over. Plus the write up was caused by someone who should not have the authority to get me wrote up. Now before you think I am exagerating here is what happened. Since I started working at the second elementary school the kindergarden classroom lock has been broke. Key does go in but your not gonna get it to turn. Now the day guy went to the head guy down state and told him I don't secure the kindergarden room. He then wrote me up! Well I refused to sign it and told him I wasn't a miracle worker nor could I magically make the lock work. He did not seem to care about that and said write up stayed. My district mgr refused to sign it also saying I should not have been wrote up. So I just can't wait to see what issue comes up today! But funny side note is I forgot to clock out of work last night I was so pissed!
Added note the district mgr called me to say the same guy who got me wrote up is at it again saying I didn't turn off lights in school and lock doors last night. This I know and can prove because the three members of our state police were at the school hanging out last night and walked the building making sure it was secure and all was well due to the school violence lately.

Just another day in life....

Well its Friday the 13th, and since all my days for last few weeks have had bad luck I am kinda hoping for a reversal of fortune today. Since my depression has gotton no better I am going to make a few changes between now and 12am on Sunday morning. I have formulated a plan and with any luck I will be able to go through with it. As my daughter keeps pointing out to me I can't continue like this.
Well I am tired of hearing the moral self rightous complain about what Imus said on the radio. Ok yes he was wrong and if your going to think such things please keep them to yourself. But I keep going back to the fact much worse is said about people on the radio every day with the music that our youth listens too. Who decides what is defined by morals? Why is it ok for some and not for all? Double standards make no sense, least of all in this case.
Well I think thats it for today. Yall have a good one!

Quotes today:
It's choice - not chance - that determines your destiny
The freethinking of one age is the common sense of the next.
The wise man will love; all others will desire
If you greatly desire something, have the guts to stake everything on obtaining it

The Moon in your 5th House can increase your desire for playful romance, even if it's only in your dreams. This has little to do with being rational; it's just that the volume of your fantasies is turned up today. Nevertheless, don't be afraid of sharing your heart. Even if an illusion is shattered, it still will be worth the experience.
Thursday, April 12, 2007

I love my horoscope today. Its so well me! In fantasy's we all live happily ever after with out alot of stress and drama. There is always some even in our dreams because its something you can never totally escape but no where near what takes place in the real world. Thats the art of illusion you can make others happy while basking in the world of of family and friends without pain and tears. Makes sense that all my life I was called a dreamer. Cause well dreams are so much better sometimes then reality.
Have a good day yall.

No one ever notices what I do until I don't do it.
No dream is to high, for one who has their eyes toward the sky.
Someone who thinks the world is always cheating him is right. He is missing that wonderful feeling of trust in someone or something
Spiteful words hurt, but silence breaks a heart
Ok that is todays quotes!

Car problems eeeeeeeeeek

Well yesterday I noticed that my car was leaking red stuff. And today I found out when someone looked at it thats its transmission fluid. The person that looked at it filled it up and so that will last for a few days with any luck that isn't bad. But I am grateful I got someone to look at it instead of just waiting around for it to blow up. So now that will have to get fixed along with my oil changed. Now whether or not thats before my nervous breakdown I have no idea. Although I am learning I have ability to talk and piss people off at the same time. Is it me or does getting a straight answer from people hard for everyone. Well I should go get ready to go to work since they called like three mins ago wanting to know if I can come in a few min early. Gee don't I seemed thrilled with that prospect!
I hope yall have a better day than mine is turning out to be.

There are people I know won't hurt me, I call them corpses
It isn't kind to cultivate a friendship just so one will have an audience
The friendship that can cease never has been real.
Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all they have
Those are just a few quotes I'd thought i'd share today.

Well although I am feeling a little bit better than I did earlier and I am trying not to cry so much I am still really well blah I guess is a good word for it. I'd like to say after all these years I could handle whatever is thrown at me. Yet I discover each day thet being strong isn't the greatest thing in the world. I can be strong for others when the situation calls for it. I can be strong for my kids no matter what the problem. Yet I can't seem to be strong for me. Is there some kind of trick to being able to not care? Is there a way to turn off all feelings and say fine walk on me and I won't care? Is there a way to stop emotions? Now your all wondering what the issue is but its several all bothering me at once. I wish some days I could stop loving, stop feeling with my heart and stop caring what others think or say but that isn't going to happen. So any clues as to how I just shut down and still continue to function?
In other news I did make it to the store. Of course that was amusing if nothing else. As I was checking out the cashier asked me if I knew I had nine 12 packs of drinks. Well why this was a big deal I don't know but she sure seemed stunned by it. I guess she was new cause surely I am not the only one to ever buy that much pop at one time.
Well I have really got into these three RPG games I was invited to try. They are alot of fun and at least there I can control my destiny. lol I am used to playing card games but these are more fun and ever challanging.
Well yall have a good night!

Its Monday

Somehow I firmly believe that this isn't going to be a good day. I woke up like 3 hours ago and I woke up in tears. Then I got totally sick and now I am still ill with a heavy dose of depression. I wonder how sad it is that I can sit in a room totally by myself and cry for what seems like no apparent reason. I am sure there has to be some underlying reason but since I can't remember my dream or if I dreamed I can't blame that. I haven't talked to another living soul today as of yet so it can't be that. I did read some other blogs however and although some were really good they weren't anything to cause the way I feel this morning. I was supposed to get my daughter up today and us go to town but between the tears and the being ill I am not so sure I will make it there. Its no real big deal as long as I go umm lets say by Saturday. I just really don't like thought of running out of something. But then I don't wanta get part way there and get sick and have to run home. eeek If I don't get over this soon I may just lose it on someone I don't want too. No not anyone imparticular but in my current state a word said wrong could send me right over the edge. Before you sit there thinking crying doesn't help anything I do know that but I just can't quit today. No one did anything to my knowledge to cause this. I am thinking I am just as mad at myself for being in such a state today, especially since I can't understand why. At least normally my crying episodes have a reason whether anyone else understands them or not.
Well I do hope you all have a great day.

As this Easter comes to a close

Others may rely on you so much today that you don't have time to take care of your own needs. This may bring up a recurring issue in your life, for you often put your happiness second to someone else's. Instead of just pretending that everything is okay, try sharing your dilemma with someone you trust, for you can get away with this now without making anyone feel bad in the process.
Sunday, April 8, 2007


This is or was my horoscope for today. I find myself almost laughing about it bcause I do put others happiness before my own and absolutely love doing things for other people. Its the sharing my dilemma part I find so very funny. I can't share my dilemma with anyone cause it would probably make no sense to them or they would just tell me to get over it. Neither is truely something I want to happen so its best that once again I just keep it to myself. I wonder though how if others could feel emotions as strongly as I do would they still offer the same advice. Or would they handle it as I do and try and find a solution where no one else gets hurt. My pain I have learned I can deal with for the most part. Yea there is sadness, confusion and an awful lot of tears but still as long as no one feels the hurt but me I am ok with that. Cause see I wish pain on no one. Thats just cruel and I have never been able to be that mean. Tonight as Easter is drawing to a close and I sit here reflecting on life and death I wonder if my life has touched others in a good way. I haven't always made the best choices but I suppose in the end I did make them for all the right reasons cause I made them either to help others or strictly out of love.
Have a good night all!

Easter

Well its another Easter and though it symbolizes the rebirth of Jesus I can't help but wish for a rebirth out of this damm depression I have been in. It seems that no matter how I try to get past it it is there mocking me. Oh well someday I will get past it and I will be more than just content. But for now I guess content is a good thing!!
Yall have a Happy Easter!